you can chart your own course for your life and still be a good daughter. (aka, when “eldest daughter syndrome” meets the immigration experience)

Therapy for 1st Generation Daughters in Evanston, IL

In-person support for women in Chicago’s North Shore

For your entire life, you’ve stepped up to be who your family wants you to be.

You can’t say no because what would happen to everyone if you did that?

Your parents have always pushed you to give everything and excel. You want so badly to make them proud. It feels great when you give them what they want. They’re happy and so you’re happy. So why are you feeling more irritable and resentful lately? Why has it been harder to step into being the person they want/need you to be?

After all, if you don't make them happy, then are you a good daughter? They worked so hard to get you here and you want to make their sacrifices matter.

But carrying their expectations is incredibly heavy. You know your family loves you, but you don't know that they actually see you. There have been things you wanted to do, ways you've wanted to express yourself, that were shot down. Those things don't jive with how your parents were raised to see things. You know they only want the best for your but it's getting really tough to pack away your own wants, your own ideas and obey for the sake of obeying (i.e."showing respect"). You feel like you can't fully be who they want you to be but you also aren't allowed to be fully who you want to be either.

Sound like you?

Struggling with chronic guilt

Tired of feeling like everyone’s wellbeing depends on you

Ready to start getting to know YOURself

Wishing that you could just do you and still be loved and supported

Here’s what we’ll do together

Therapy can be a place where you voice and explore these confusing feelings.

What if you could draft your own version of who you are "supposed to" be? It's entirely possible that there's a way to honor your family and their work and sacrifice but also pave your own path and feel fully yourself.

Often, what we believe our loved ones expect from us is a bit blown out of proportion and not as black/white as we tell ourselves it is. It’s hard for us to see any middle path and we believe our only choices lie at the end of two extremes. What if that’s not the case?

And (worst case scenario) even if things are as heavy and rigid as we believe, we can still get to decide for ourselves what our relationships with our family will look like.

It doesn't have to boil down to a choice between ourselves and our family, completely selfish and completely selfless. We can be both "good daughters" and also authentic to ourselves. I'd love to walk this path with you and help you find your way to doing that.

At the end of the day, I want you to know:

You deserve to get to know and like yourself, separate from others’ expectations. You can compassionately be your own person and support your loved ones in the way that you’d like.

What we’ll work on

Imagine a life where…

  • Relationships feel lighter and more real.

  • Life feels more aligned with your values.

  • You’re connected to yourself and your voice.

  • You’re spending less time fretting about what anyone else will think.

Change is possible.

Choose you.

Questions?

FAQs

  • The term refers to the US-born children of immigrants. I also use the term to describe immigrant children who came to the US in their very early childhood and, like their US born counterparts, have essentially spent their lives growing up in this complicated landscape of dual cultures.

  • Therapy can help you identify the thoughts and beliefs at play when you are feeling badly. It can help you come up with effective ways to challenge your pattern of thinking and unlearn it. You can learn to replace that pattern of thinking with one that is more beneficial to you. Therapy can also help you pick up coping skills to manage the bad feelings that are coming up for you in the moment.

  • Get in touch with me so we can set up a phone consultation and proceed from there.